


should have known better

by disaster_queer



Series: Secrets and Swordfights [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Deceit | Janus Sanders Angst, Gen, Human AU, Janus feels bad about lying, Lies, Maybe Not That Much, Self-Hatred, Texting, The Author Regrets Everything, They All Have their own issues, but for now, but still, have some Janus angst, might explore those later, rated teen because Janus says the f-word a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:20:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26518867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disaster_queer/pseuds/disaster_queer
Summary: Janus vents to Roman about his issues, then regrets it later- a lot.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Creativity | Roman Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Series: Secrets and Swordfights [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1928962
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	should have known better

**Author's Note:**

> when in doubt, project onto your comfort character.
> 
> Thursday- Janus

Janus was worried. This wasn’t an uncommon occurrence by any means, but it still concerned his friends a great deal. Still, he knew better than to vent, after what had happened last time.

He didn’t think Roman would ever look at him the same. He wished more than anything he could go back and just say “I’m fine”. He’d done it enough times. The lie came so naturally, it scared him a little. 

Instead, he was hiding here in a convenient corner of the school library, reliving a decision he regretted more than anything. Janus pulled out his phone and keyed in his password, switching right to the messages app to reread the conversation. 

_ Princey: Hey! You awake? _

_ Evil Snake Boi: yeah but it's two in the morning, Ro.  _

_ Evil Snake Boi: how are you? _

_ Princey: I’m doing alright! How bout you? _

_ Evil Snake Boi: im ok _

_ Princey: You sure? _

_ Evil Snake Boi: im not ok _

_ Princey: Wanna tell me what happened? _

_ Evil Snake Boi: same thing that always happens. i fucked up, Ro.  _

_ Princey: Explain? _

_ Evil Snake Boi: you know how Virge was avoiding us a while ago because of that thing Lo said? _

_ Princey: Yeah? _

_ Evil Snake Boi: i told Logan that Virgil said it wasn’t a big deal and told Virge that Logan said sorry. _

_ Princey: That explains a lot. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: then i felt bad for manipulating them like that and i told pat what i did because i couldn’t keep the secret any longer and im the kind of bitch who makes other people deal with the secrets that i cant deal with _

_ Evil Snake Boi: he didnt believe me. I cant fucking come clean no matter what i do. _

_ Princey: But you’re so honest… I can’t think of a single time you lied. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: i guess you didn’t really know me. to be fair i dont think i know me either _

_ Princey: Are you okay? _

_ Evil Snake Boi: what do you fucking think princey _

_ Princey: What else happened?  _

_ Evil Snake Boi: you know that guy in my homeroom class?  _

_ Princey: Mark? _

_ Evil Snake Boi: that’s the one. he’s kinda the first one who called me out on my lies. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: today he was saying some shit about how im nothing but a liar and never will be anything more _

_ Princey: Well, that’s rude. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: he also said no one in their right mind would trust me if they really… knew me, i guess _

_ Evil Snake Boi: so lets see what happens. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: im not in writing club i just have regular appointments with the school psychologist. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: i’ve been talking with remus and he complains to me about you. i probably know all your secrets at this point. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: whenever there’s a conflict, i pretend to be on both sides _

_ Evil Snake Boi: see? you’re going to hate me now _

_ Princey: I mean, I’m not exactly happy about hearing that you’re secretly a huge liar.  _

_ Evil Snake Boi: i just don’t know how to not lie it’s just kinda my first instinct _

_ Evil Snake Boi: i dont want to end up alone, just a liar who no one trusts anymore _

_ Princey: Janus… _

_ Evil Snake Boi: im sorry, Ro. you shouldn’t have to deal with this. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: you shouldn’t have to deal with me. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: it’ll be lo and virge who stop talking to me first _

_ Evil Snake Boi: then you and remus. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: then pat will eventually come around when he realizes how much of a toxic friend i am _

_ Evil Snake Boi: so go ahead and block me it’s what i would do if i were you _

_ Evil Snake Boi: i don’t know if i’m really as friendly as i am around you all and everyone else is just annoying and deserving of the fact that i’m never nice to them or if i’m just accidentally manipulating you guys.  _

_ Princey: It’s pretty late. _

_ Evil Snake Boi: you think? _

_ Princey: Maybe you should go to sleep? _

_ Evil Snake Boi: alright. good night? _

_ Princey: Night. _

Janus shut his phone off and put it away, clenching his hands into fists. His nails dug into his palms.  _ Stupid. Idiot. Why did you say that? Do you  _ want _ to lose all your friends?  _

_ Idiot. _

_ Worthless. _

_ Liar.  _

_ Pathetic.  _

He tensed his shoulders, crossing his arms over his chest. Tears spilled out of his eyes, running down his face and dripping onto the table in front of him. Janus released his hands, looking at the crescent-shaped indentations where his fingernails had dug into his palms and left marks.  _ Why am I like this? _

Janus was the self-care friend. That was his role. He was protective and sarcastic and helped his friends out. He didn’t cry. He didn’t vent. He knew who he was. He didn’t tell lies. 

He took a deep breath. Dried his tears with a tissue from his backpack. Rubbed lotion on the indentations. Thought of an excuse for his sudden disappearance.  _ I was doing homework for English class. _

He stood up, and made his way out of the library without encountering anyone. Checking his phone, it was the end of the school day. Janus headed for the school doors, finding his friends in the crowd of students trickling out of the exit. Patton waved to him, a bright smile showing on his face. Logan barely glanced up from where he was telling Remus some of the more disturbing facts he had memorized. Roman wasn’t there, as he had play practice. Virgil was standing at Patton’s shoulder with his headphones on. 

“Hi, Janus!” Patton called. “Where were you?”

Janus arranged his features into something like a smile, and told another lie.


End file.
